It may seem insensitive for me to suggest that by using hypnosis you can ease the pain of losing someone. Grief is a huge continent of emotions. It contains a cocktail of emotions which can include, anger, sadness, fear, relief, and love, all mixed in together. We can feel grief over the loss of a loved family member (which includes a pet), the loss of a habit or addiction, the loss of financial security or even the loss of treasured material things. It might be a loss of a physical function, a career, or a long held dream. It could also arise when thinking about your son or daughter leaving for college or moving away. Perhaps you got divorced and are grieving for the change in your life situation. All these situations are very different but can send us through very similar stages of grief.
Throughout the world we are currently living through an extraordinary trauma dealing with a virus that has touched every part of our Past “normal” lives. As I write this, over 2.5 million lives throughout the world have been lost to this pandemic. And it continues to seek out new victims. We don’t know when it will finally subside. We grieve for the insurmountable loss of life, and for the lifestyles we took for granted before all this began.
Grief is a unique process for each of us. The way we deal with the emotions associated with our losses are very individual. I have worked with clients who have carried the emotions associated with grief for decades. They learn to show the outside world what they feel is appropriate, to protect them from the hollowness deeper inside. Unfortunately, escaping the internal dialogue cannot be covered as easily. We can’t hide from Self.
You should own your right to express grief in the way you need, to process what has happened and where you are now. Where there is loss opens space for change. You didn’t choose for your life to change, but Life has presented you a challenge and one way or another you must accept it. However, this change does not have to crush you.
You have choice how and where you focus your thoughts. You can spend your time thinking about the horrors of the pandemic, the trauma you lived through, the negative, depressing, overwhelming hurt and pain of no longer living the same life you once had…. OR you can honor the fact that YOU ARE STILL HERE. You have choice to honor the Past and begin to move forward.
You get to make the rules about how you move through grief. In times Past there were strict rules about how one must dress or for how long one must grieve a loss. But in todays world, it’s okay to process in ways that work just for you. If others are grieving with you, give them the space they need to work through their feelings. It’s all okay.
Like anything else, what’s not okay is when you allow yourself to become unbalanced by grief. This is when the grief continues to be overpowering and all consuming, and affects your health and ability to move forward. This serves no purpose and begins to spread out and hurt others. You honor no one when you allow grief to damage your health and darken the world of everyone around you. There can be a better way to honor the Past and use positive memories to honor living. You must remember... YOU ARE STILL HERE. It’s not a perfect road forward and there will be days you want to curl up and hide from the world, and in those times you call on your inner strength to keep going. It’s okay for you to smile and laugh again. It’s okay to cry. Life wears all these emotions.
Memory is like a deck of cards. The ones you focus on most are at the top of the deck and those memories you haven't reflected on very much are farther down in the pack. If you’ve been focused on the loss, then you haven’t been focused on the joy, the lessons, the time still remaining in YOUR life. How have you honored what has been lost? If it’s a loved one, would he/she wish for you to be living in sadness? Probably not. If you are holding on to anger, how is that helping you? It doesn’t. If you are feeling guilty or fearful, does that help you grow strong and proud? I don’t think so.
Hypnosis is a shift in thought within the subconscious mind
When you become wrapped in a blanket of grief, you are repeating thoughts of your loss over and over. This is a pattern. Patterns are managed by the subconscious mind. You are experiencing the chemical effect of thoughts through your emotions. By shifting your thoughts, your body generates different kinds of chemicals that can lift your spirit so you feel better. This doesn’t mean you will forget your connection to a loss, but you will move into a better emotional place where the room is brighter and more spacious. It will feel easier to look beyond the loop you had been existing in.
Perhaps it is time to recognize you are still in this world and can make choices to enhance your experience. You can take baby steps forward to connect with life and feel better. Give yourself a week to be the scientist of your own life. One week. After one week if you are not feeling better and you choose to repeat those old feelings then you always have that choice.
An Action Plan to Feel Better
Here’s what I suggest.
Make a list of many positive moments in your life that lifted you, warmed your heart; when you felt proud or happy. These are the moments worthy of remembering. Remember the person job, pet, lifestyle, etc. that is no longer visible to your eyes, and ask yourself what did that relationship teach you or what did you learn from it? How are you a better person for having had that relationship? You might want to write down your answers and place them somewhere you can easily re-read them…like on the bathroom mirror. Why? Because the lessons are lighter to wear. They provide wisdom that can be tapped into as you move through life. They are treasure obtained during that relationship. Now...how can you value this gift?
Close your eyes and imagine sitting and having a conversation with what has been lost. Even if it’s a job, a marriage, a dream, etc. imagine it has an image and invite it to sit with you. Share in a conversation and let it know how you feel about losing it. Let the relationship know you miss it but will honor the gift/lessons and the time you had together by being a better person because of your time together. Thank the relationship for being a part of your life. Ask the relationship to stay in your heart as a guide or angel as you begin to move forward.
You are not separate from those that you love. You can't see sunlight until it reflects off of an object. You can't see the data in the air you breathe but we can now prove it is there because we can receive and transmit messages on our phones without plugging into an outlet. We can't see our emotions, but they are very real and can be felt in the change within the air. Some people can sense the differences.
Begin a new pattern of thought that celebrates life in all forms. Pace yourself and believe in our unseen connections to life. You are more than the trauma. You can choose to be strong, and brave and bold enough to take baby steps back into life in this world. So, take a big breathe and re-introduce yourself to this world, better and wiser now.